Legal Information & Disclaimers
*This disclaimer applies to all BootyNet properties unless a site-specific disclaimer is posted separately.
Nature of Services
BootyNet is a satirical website and does not operate a telecommunications network, hold a spectrum licence, or provide internet, mobile, or data services of any description. Nothing on this website constitutes a real commercial offer. The plans, speeds, coverage maps, and technology described herein are fictional.
Purchases
Any transactions facilitated through this website are for novelty or entertainment purposes only. No purchase entitles the buyer to telecommunications services, network access, or any form of connectivity. BootyNet accepts no liability for anyone who genuinely believed otherwise.
Personnel
Gerald Booty is a fictional person. The BootyNet executive team, customer success staff, and approved partners described on this website do not exist. Any resemblance to real individuals is coincidental and, frankly, a little concerning.
Technology
The Crystal Ball™ is not a real product. BootySat™ is not a real satellite. The towers are loosely based on real structures but do not transmit anything. 6G is not currently available for commercial deployment anywhere in the world, including the greater Lake Taupō area.
Data Collected
If you provide an email address (e.g., during a novelty checkout), it’s used only to send order confirmations or respond to inquiries. It is not sold, shared with third parties, or used for marketing. You can request deletion at any time by contacting [email protected].
Payment Information
No payment or card details are collected, processed, or stored by this website. Any checkout flow is for novelty purposes only and does not process real transactions.
Analytics
This site uses anonymized analytics (Umami) to understand traffic patterns by country. IP addresses are never stored; they’re used momentarily to determine general location, then discarded. Standard server logs (used for security and troubleshooting) may retain IP addresses for up to 8 weeks. These logs are not used for analytics or marketing.
Session Recording
This site uses session replay (Umami) to record how visitors interact with pages, clicks, scrolls, and cursor movement. Approximately 15% of sessions are recorded, not all traffic. Form fields are masked and not captured. Recordings are retained indefinitely, as our self-hosted platform has no built-in mechanism for automatic deletion. As this data is anonymized, we generally cannot isolate or remove a specific individual’s session on request.
Redirect & Error Logs
This site uses the Redirection plugin (WordPress) to log 404 errors and redirect activity, including IP address, user agent, and referrer. These logs are retained indefinitely and are separate from the standard server logs described above. As IP and user agent alone often aren’t unique to one visitor, we can’t guarantee we can locate or remove a specific entry on request.
Sale & Use of Data
BootyNet does not sell, rent, or trade user data to third parties. Data such as session replays and log data may be used internally, for example, to understand navigation patterns or fix broken links, but is never shared, sold, or monetised externally. This is partly a matter of policy and partly because a dataset of IP addresses, user agents, and page-scroll behaviour from a satirical ISP website is not, in practice, worth very much to anyone outside it.
Contact
For legal enquiries, please contact Gerald’s assistant at the usual address. She is also fictional.